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Oh Mother

mother_earth_by_josephine101I take a seat as you take center stage

Curtains of wind and rain part for a glimpse

Your weathered face ancient- deep coal eyes

Hide the currents of your pain and rage

 

A sound furls from within you

howling  whistles through the trees- a mourning

as you tear your own flesh and let is slide from its place

to unsteady the selfish dance of this human race- a warning

 

Soiled shoes in your sacred house- tugging at your hair

We tousle and toy with you Mama-

Don’t you just love us so?

Unruly children- actions without care

 

You wipe your floors and try to smooth the tangles on your head

With resilience and love

Our bellies you still fill

and tuck us safely to bed

 

Until the day comes

When we have plucked all the beautiful strands from deep within your skull

And have devoured the gifts that poured from your hands

No longer full

 

So we must now take our seats and watch as YOU play

With your forces of no match for the small minds of man

When will we learn

It’s your laws of life of we must obey.

 

 

 

The Healer

Lay your healing hands upon my flesh
My body trembles and quakes
Do not dare to fix a thing
I place my head in your lap
My heart pours through my eyes
Do not wipe up what spills from me
Echoes of grief jump from my throat
like sparks in a dark night
But know I can tend my own fire
Buried memories sprout from my mind
Oh Mary- Mary quite contrary
I know how my garden will grow
I gaze upon your fear of this- unsteady witness
No longer numb and blind
My eyes now pierce the veil of truth
So place your healing hands in mine
Our bodies tremble and quake
Do not dare to fix a thing
natural-healing

Unravel

I unraveled to the bottom of my heart on the musty webs of the spinning mind- weaver of my own suffering and dimmer of my own light. With shaky hands I climb back out on the spindrels of the love that is always there waiting- crying for “help”- a prayer when all else has been said.

When we cry to the spirit, the guiding light and forces of nature, overlooked is our prayers are being heard by a part of us that hold the love, answers and miracles we seek.  All of creation and its mystery is wound into the fabric of our being.

We are the altar we kneel before.  Light a candle on the spread of your own inner life, lean in and allow yourself to feel the forces of every emotion to crack you open wider- to the wisdom within- cracks  allowing a brighter light to shine through.

My voice vibrates with the lullaby I need to soothe my soul.  My own tears wash me clean- to see a blank slate of where old stories were carved that no longer define me.  Clear eyes witness the original story of a spirit of light- of love- of strength and redemption.  I am timeless- endless- formless- accepting what is and releasing control of any and all for it hardens and tangles and stagnates the truth of the heart

The great void of oneness is my home.  I pour my beauty back into its original form.  Drifting on the open seas of possibility in unison with the tides of Grandmother Moon- made of the Stars- and blessed with trust that I will always meet the shores of the Divine Mother Earth.

A Tale About a Girl

13164380_10153775245673842_6090090635239212921_nThere was a young girl who I used to know
With hair like gold- in the sun it would flow
She sang to the trees and danced in the dark
But if you came to close she would smother her own spark

She would wake in the morn with her dreams on fire
Her heart wants to soar past the bird on the wire
She would write to those with no face and no form
Dying inside- for her light she would mourn

As she walked through dark days- her eyes still a glow
With a magic inside to sprout and grow
But magic needs fire and strength of heart
And her love for life had been torn apart

A shadow followed not cast by her form
A disease that clung- before she was born
She would laugh and sing and try to appeal
But every attempt at love he would steal

As the years went by she learned to drown
The truth that hid in the cold dark ground
Draining her life an untold tale of sin
But her spirit clung tight- for he would not win

Then she woke one day to a faint distant call
It’s into love with yourself you must learn to fall
From the spirits and trees she sang as a child
Came a spell to unlock her heart big and wild

Her body trembled and took many forms
As she released his cloak of pain she had worn
A new dance and song were birthed from her soul
As she shed the shadow by feeding her glow

She now falls to her knees each day to the Sun
With the mysteries of LOVE her heart she has won
From a story of pain her light will rise
To guide others in the mystery of their own endless skies…

A *Wolf in Spirit’s Clothing

It is with permission from a dear sister to tell a story of the deception that can lie beneath the spiritual resume of a “healer” .   A story of how we sometimes allow our fear of spiritual inadequacy and our desperate desire to heal-fix-feel, override our instincts and intuitions. A story of how we are often more willing to place the care and learning of our spirit in the hands of another than dive deep and tap into our own inner guidance…

I met Jillian through my journey in studying Mayan abdominal massage and spiritual healing with Dr. Rosita Arvigo.   In February 2013 we both travelled to Belize for a 7 day spiritual healing training with Dr. Arvigo at her home on San Ignacio. Immersed in the jungle with women from all around the globe we learned of spiritual illness and ways to invoke plant spirits and prayer to address the afflictions. We connected deeply to the plants that swirled around us clearing, igniting vision, sparking insight and illuminating our highest self and our own divine capacity to heal. Tune in, listen to your heart, sit with nature, whisper your intentions and let go- this was the deeper learning to carry away.

The week flowed into some further travels for me through Central America. I was blessed to have Jillian join me for a bit of my Guatemala adventures. We first visited the incredible site of Tikal and then headed toward Lago de Atitlan. Before even arriving we knew that the lake held a lot of ancient mystery and power. It was a vortex of energy and “healers” flocked from all corners. As we walked the narrow dirt alleys there were signs everywhere for ceremonies, healing rituals and the promise of transformation. Jillian felt a pull toward a sign of Ix Chel (the Mayan Goddess of Fertility). We walked through a gate to meet a very wound up British woman who was the wife of the Shaman who performed the healing services advertised. She explained his deep connection to the Maya spirits and how he is part of long line of indigenous Mayan Shamans. Jillian decided she wanted to experience his work and I decided I was going to have him guide me up the volcano (his side job) a few days later.

He then appeared as we were about to depart and it was as if the air stilled. Something in me felt uneasy and a bit dark. I brushed it off as, after all, he is this “all mighty healer”- not another thought. The next afternoon Jillian went to her session and I explored. As I walked through the gate later to pick her up something ill spiraled through my gut and I looked into the treatment room as he raised his head- something was wrong. Moments later Jillian appeared- out of body and silent. I took her to a private sweat hut to relax and as she sat naked in my arms she began to cry and tremble. He had violated her beautiful, sweet body as he filled her head with lies about how she carries darkness in her deep private places and he was there to heal them; that she must let him in if she wants to let go. She told me that she tried so hard to stop him but there was a dark energy that stole her voice and held her down. She was upset with herself and revealed that before her session something told her not to go but she, like me, also allowed her true wisdom self to be silenced.

Deep down in both of us we knew there was a lesson and a great healing to be foraged from this dark plague that affects so many women- and men. We called on the beauty and strength of the teachings and ceremonies we had just been initiated into with Dr. Rosita. Jillian in her fierce Earth mama beauty went back through that gate and harvested some plants from his land- she then did a healing ritual on herself to release the pain and overshadowing energy. As well, she had to reclaim her voice and thus we reported him to the community. We prayed, we sang and we cried- we healed with the very tools that no one can ever grant us- our own divine light and connection to spirit.

There are many layers to this story to peel back and examine that can dive deep into patriarchy, injustice and the disease of sexual abuse. But I want to illuminate the stigma of (mostly women) giving away our power and our light.  We are in a critical time- and a very transformative time of so many being called into service to spirit; so many in the search for a cure to the internal struggles on the conscious path. And, as the light demands to shine there will be those who walk the dark path waiting prey in the shadows to feed on yours and take advantage of the eager and open soul.

The lesson was so clear, especially after our week in Belize, in listening to self and connecting to our own spirit guides. Jillian knew- and I knew- and we were in some way comforted with the aspect of the deeper learning for all. There is not a Shaman, Priestess, Elder or plant spirit that can “fix you”. They can only hold a candle to reflect the light you already possess. They can only help unlock your internal compass and open the channel of divine guidance that is woven into your bones. I feel we are sometimes in such a hurry to fill our “spiritual resume” that in haste we override what serves our greatest good and therefore the greatest good of all. No one should fall victim to abuse.   And, learning to hear and honor your own inner healer can begin to punch holes in the dark to see through to the truth.

In the words of my beloved teacher Dr. Rosita Arvigo~

“We do not cure disease, we simply remove the obstructions and deterrents to Nature’s healing force”

~Jillian is a wise sister, a fierce spirit and a brilliant healer.  You can find her here and see her amazing work with the Yoni Jade Egg and her many gifts.  (Love you Jillian).~

(*Disclaimer- the title is a play on words from a “Wolf in sheep’s clothing”.  Wolf medicine is magic, revered and respected.  I hold deep love for those who walk with that spirit and in no way meant disrespect to the beloved wolf.)

 

Star Kissed Dreams

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Where have you gone dear one?

Your soul has wandered so far it seems

Come close and breath into your divine flesh as I perfume your heart with words of love

and witness as your eyes empty in crystal streams

I see your stories raveled and twisted and buried out of sight

the programming of this life-  you’re so tired I know-

has thickened your skin from feeling the flicker of your own blazing light

Rest, exhale, collapse your tired bones and let go

and know the truth that the only journey worth a calloused foot

is the one that comes swirling in from the realm of Universal flow

As you relearn the words, sweetheart, to your own ancient song

You may open your throat and a voice unfamiliar

will come tumbling from where your soul has been hiding for so very long

 Trust now- the veil is thinning that blankets the unseen

The ones who have waited for you to remember, to reclaim

your magic, your mystery and your wildest star kissed dreams. 

It’s time…..

Survey of the Heart

I have a dear sister who was conducting a study and asked 3 questions about the heart…. Here was my reply…

“Ok, so when I first received your questions, Lauren,  I looked them over and the conversation (in my head) went like this……

(Question 1: What do you think about the heart?)

“Love- well that’s too obvious Jamie. You can go deeper than that, she is looking for profound and earth moving- not love. Oh great, now it feels contrived and you’re are searching and questioning yourself. What’s so wrong with your first thought? Oh, wait- I get it. There is no way to think about the heart. You can only feel about the heart. Once the thinking starts you have left the heart and abandoned your first feeling and your first feeling is usually your highest and most pure form of inner truth, hmmm….”

The heart is where truth and fear collide.  If we speak our truth and honor our first thoughts, feelings and instincts, fear has to retreat. I believe the greatest journey we will ever take is into our hearts if we dare. And, I think the absolute number one thing that humans crave more than any other feet of success and triumph is to truly live from the heart, have our heart seen and have our heart understood. Deep down we all know that living from the heart means we are in congruent harmony with our highest capacity and therefore things like heart break, disappointment, fear, anger etc. can’t really impact us. They can come in and pass like a storm but they do not overtake our inner compass.

(2: If you had to describe your heart in one word what would it be?)

So, really this all brings me back to my original thought- oops, I mean feeling. Love. Love is the first word that comes to me and I am going to honor my heart.  Love is the answer to all of the heart’s many different beats. What cures hate- love. What breaks through the gatekeeper of fear- love. What connects us to one another- love. What is the only thing that can equalize differences- love. One can never truly step into the heart until they give love freely and without condition to every and all situations and people in their lives.  I don’t know if this is truly a possibility within the human framework- and that breaks my heart.

(3: What is the first story/experience that comes to mind when you think of love?)

My first memory of the heart is Joey Frankhauser. It was 1st grade and I remember clearly not really understanding my feelings but my heart felt something it never had and it turned everything in my body warm. I had dreams- even some nightmares- about Joey and in each one my heart felt like it would break.   I look back now and realize that the very last bit of my innocence and purity of my own heart left then. Fear stepped in once faced with rejection and the misunderstanding of my heart. Why didn’t he like me? Why can’t I tell him how I feel? Shouldn’t it be easy? How wonderful if we all just loved and felt good!- I actually remember feeling so confused around that. I remember wanting my heart to burst open and wondering why it seemed not everyone wanted to burst open…. Especially Joey haha.    I bet if you ask anyone about the heart- the first memory is of love.

So much to say….

But this sums it up best-

“Even after all of this time- the Sun has never once turned to the Earth and said “you owe me”. Look what happens with a love like that- it lights the whole sky”- Hafez

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I Am Her

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 She calls me home- It’s getting late-

I am weary and worn to the bone

Try as I may my ears have fallen deaf from the noise of this life-

-to the sound of her resonant tone.

 

She lights my dark path

Yet the blinders “they” have fastened-

-so I do not stray

Shield my true beauty-her reflection-

That lights my way

 

The stars twinkle above as they dance to her song

Oh how my sweet feet have forgotten the steps

Oh how it has been so very long

 

Her song is buried under pieces of me that must die

So I can again twirl on her skin- toes in her grass

Under her vast night sky

 

“Remember” she whispers

“YOU ARE Earth, Air, Fire and Sea

“My essence spirals through you down into your womb”

I feel an ancient calling rise…

I AM HER- She is me.

 

Burned Through

death-and-rebirth

I sit here raw- completely stripped to the bone

I bolted from, burned through and abused the most beautiful gift I will ever be given-

this vessel I must now learn to know…

and love and trust this process of death and rebirth

so I can rise to the call of service that my guides whisper

from deep within Mother Earth

How could I be so cruel?-

I am so sorry sweet one I weep and I cry

I was so afraid to be seen and loved

that I buried my light every day and the years slipped by

The shadows of this story dance- oh how they play

But the rules of their games are written by fear

and it’s love I now choose to obey

I am afraid and it’s dark but I can hear the Crone Mother’s song

so faintly- to awaken the wisdom light

that has been flickering in the background so very long

Life spins in a perfect circle

All of the Mother’s creatures know this from Earth, Air, Space and Sea

Remember this law flows through you to

but release the programmed mind you must and believe in your divinity

The Goddess rules all life from womb to dark tomb

She must take this piece of you now- you must let go

So that your spirit can blossom and your heart can bloom.

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