It is with permission from a dear sister to tell a story of the deception that can lie beneath the spiritual resume of a “healer” . A story of how we sometimes allow our fear of spiritual inadequacy and our desperate desire to heal-fix-feel, override our instincts and intuitions. A story of how we are often more willing to place the care and learning of our spirit in the hands of another than dive deep and tap into our own inner guidance…
I met Jillian through my journey in studying Mayan abdominal massage and spiritual healing with Dr. Rosita Arvigo. In February 2013 we both travelled to Belize for a 7 day spiritual healing training with Dr. Arvigo at her home on San Ignacio. Immersed in the jungle with women from all around the globe we learned of spiritual illness and ways to invoke plant spirits and prayer to address the afflictions. We connected deeply to the plants that swirled around us clearing, igniting vision, sparking insight and illuminating our highest self and our own divine capacity to heal. Tune in, listen to your heart, sit with nature, whisper your intentions and let go- this was the deeper learning to carry away.
The week flowed into some further travels for me through Central America. I was blessed to have Jillian join me for a bit of my Guatemala adventures. We first visited the incredible site of Tikal and then headed toward Lago de Atitlan. Before even arriving we knew that the lake held a lot of ancient mystery and power. It was a vortex of energy and “healers” flocked from all corners. As we walked the narrow dirt alleys there were signs everywhere for ceremonies, healing rituals and the promise of transformation. Jillian felt a pull toward a sign of Ix Chel (the Mayan Goddess of Fertility). We walked through a gate to meet a very wound up British woman who was the wife of the Shaman who performed the healing services advertised. She explained his deep connection to the Maya spirits and how he is part of long line of indigenous Mayan Shamans. Jillian decided she wanted to experience his work and I decided I was going to have him guide me up the volcano (his side job) a few days later.
He then appeared as we were about to depart and it was as if the air stilled. Something in me felt uneasy and a bit dark. I brushed it off as, after all, he is this “all mighty healer”- not another thought. The next afternoon Jillian went to her session and I explored. As I walked through the gate later to pick her up something ill spiraled through my gut and I looked into the treatment room as he raised his head- something was wrong. Moments later Jillian appeared- out of body and silent. I took her to a private sweat hut to relax and as she sat naked in my arms she began to cry and tremble. He had violated her beautiful, sweet body as he filled her head with lies about how she carries darkness in her deep private places and he was there to heal them; that she must let him in if she wants to let go. She told me that she tried so hard to stop him but there was a dark energy that stole her voice and held her down. She was upset with herself and revealed that before her session something told her not to go but she, like me, also allowed her true wisdom self to be silenced.
Deep down in both of us we knew there was a lesson and a great healing to be foraged from this dark plague that affects so many women- and men. We called on the beauty and strength of the teachings and ceremonies we had just been initiated into with Dr. Rosita. Jillian in her fierce Earth mama beauty went back through that gate and harvested some plants from his land- she then did a healing ritual on herself to release the pain and overshadowing energy. As well, she had to reclaim her voice and thus we reported him to the community. We prayed, we sang and we cried- we healed with the very tools that no one can ever grant us- our own divine light and connection to spirit.
There are many layers to this story to peel back and examine that can dive deep into patriarchy, injustice and the disease of sexual abuse. But I want to illuminate the stigma of (mostly women) giving away our power and our light. We are in a critical time- and a very transformative time of so many being called into service to spirit; so many in the search for a cure to the internal struggles on the conscious path. And, as the light demands to shine there will be those who walk the dark path waiting prey in the shadows to feed on yours and take advantage of the eager and open soul.
The lesson was so clear, especially after our week in Belize, in listening to self and connecting to our own spirit guides. Jillian knew- and I knew- and we were in some way comforted with the aspect of the deeper learning for all. There is not a Shaman, Priestess, Elder or plant spirit that can “fix you”. They can only hold a candle to reflect the light you already possess. They can only help unlock your internal compass and open the channel of divine guidance that is woven into your bones. I feel we are sometimes in such a hurry to fill our “spiritual resume” that in haste we override what serves our greatest good and therefore the greatest good of all. No one should fall victim to abuse. And, learning to hear and honor your own inner healer can begin to punch holes in the dark to see through to the truth.
In the words of my beloved teacher Dr. Rosita Arvigo~
“We do not cure disease, we simply remove the obstructions and deterrents to Nature’s healing force”
~Jillian is a wise sister, a fierce spirit and a brilliant healer. You can find her here and see her amazing work with the Yoni Jade Egg and her many gifts. (Love you Jillian).~
(*Disclaimer- the title is a play on words from a “Wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Wolf medicine is magic, revered and respected. I hold deep love for those who walk with that spirit and in no way meant disrespect to the beloved wolf.)