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October 2015

A *Wolf in Spirit’s Clothing

It is with permission from a dear sister to tell a story of the deception that can lie beneath the spiritual resume of a “healer” .   A story of how we sometimes allow our fear of spiritual inadequacy and our desperate desire to heal-fix-feel, override our instincts and intuitions. A story of how we are often more willing to place the care and learning of our spirit in the hands of another than dive deep and tap into our own inner guidance…

I met Jillian through my journey in studying Mayan abdominal massage and spiritual healing with Dr. Rosita Arvigo.   In February 2013 we both travelled to Belize for a 7 day spiritual healing training with Dr. Arvigo at her home on San Ignacio. Immersed in the jungle with women from all around the globe we learned of spiritual illness and ways to invoke plant spirits and prayer to address the afflictions. We connected deeply to the plants that swirled around us clearing, igniting vision, sparking insight and illuminating our highest self and our own divine capacity to heal. Tune in, listen to your heart, sit with nature, whisper your intentions and let go- this was the deeper learning to carry away.

The week flowed into some further travels for me through Central America. I was blessed to have Jillian join me for a bit of my Guatemala adventures. We first visited the incredible site of Tikal and then headed toward Lago de Atitlan. Before even arriving we knew that the lake held a lot of ancient mystery and power. It was a vortex of energy and “healers” flocked from all corners. As we walked the narrow dirt alleys there were signs everywhere for ceremonies, healing rituals and the promise of transformation. Jillian felt a pull toward a sign of Ix Chel (the Mayan Goddess of Fertility). We walked through a gate to meet a very wound up British woman who was the wife of the Shaman who performed the healing services advertised. She explained his deep connection to the Maya spirits and how he is part of long line of indigenous Mayan Shamans. Jillian decided she wanted to experience his work and I decided I was going to have him guide me up the volcano (his side job) a few days later.

He then appeared as we were about to depart and it was as if the air stilled. Something in me felt uneasy and a bit dark. I brushed it off as, after all, he is this “all mighty healer”- not another thought. The next afternoon Jillian went to her session and I explored. As I walked through the gate later to pick her up something ill spiraled through my gut and I looked into the treatment room as he raised his head- something was wrong. Moments later Jillian appeared- out of body and silent. I took her to a private sweat hut to relax and as she sat naked in my arms she began to cry and tremble. He had violated her beautiful, sweet body as he filled her head with lies about how she carries darkness in her deep private places and he was there to heal them; that she must let him in if she wants to let go. She told me that she tried so hard to stop him but there was a dark energy that stole her voice and held her down. She was upset with herself and revealed that before her session something told her not to go but she, like me, also allowed her true wisdom self to be silenced.

Deep down in both of us we knew there was a lesson and a great healing to be foraged from this dark plague that affects so many women- and men. We called on the beauty and strength of the teachings and ceremonies we had just been initiated into with Dr. Rosita. Jillian in her fierce Earth mama beauty went back through that gate and harvested some plants from his land- she then did a healing ritual on herself to release the pain and overshadowing energy. As well, she had to reclaim her voice and thus we reported him to the community. We prayed, we sang and we cried- we healed with the very tools that no one can ever grant us- our own divine light and connection to spirit.

There are many layers to this story to peel back and examine that can dive deep into patriarchy, injustice and the disease of sexual abuse. But I want to illuminate the stigma of (mostly women) giving away our power and our light.  We are in a critical time- and a very transformative time of so many being called into service to spirit; so many in the search for a cure to the internal struggles on the conscious path. And, as the light demands to shine there will be those who walk the dark path waiting prey in the shadows to feed on yours and take advantage of the eager and open soul.

The lesson was so clear, especially after our week in Belize, in listening to self and connecting to our own spirit guides. Jillian knew- and I knew- and we were in some way comforted with the aspect of the deeper learning for all. There is not a Shaman, Priestess, Elder or plant spirit that can “fix you”. They can only hold a candle to reflect the light you already possess. They can only help unlock your internal compass and open the channel of divine guidance that is woven into your bones. I feel we are sometimes in such a hurry to fill our “spiritual resume” that in haste we override what serves our greatest good and therefore the greatest good of all. No one should fall victim to abuse.   And, learning to hear and honor your own inner healer can begin to punch holes in the dark to see through to the truth.

In the words of my beloved teacher Dr. Rosita Arvigo~

“We do not cure disease, we simply remove the obstructions and deterrents to Nature’s healing force”

~Jillian is a wise sister, a fierce spirit and a brilliant healer.  You can find her here and see her amazing work with the Yoni Jade Egg and her many gifts.  (Love you Jillian).~

(*Disclaimer- the title is a play on words from a “Wolf in sheep’s clothing”.  Wolf medicine is magic, revered and respected.  I hold deep love for those who walk with that spirit and in no way meant disrespect to the beloved wolf.)

 

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Star Kissed Dreams

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Where have you gone dear one?

Your soul has wandered so far it seems

Come close and breath into your divine flesh as I perfume your heart with words of love

and witness as your eyes empty in crystal streams

I see your stories raveled and twisted and buried out of sight

the programming of this life-  you’re so tired I know-

has thickened your skin from feeling the flicker of your own blazing light

Rest, exhale, collapse your tired bones and let go

and know the truth that the only journey worth a calloused foot

is the one that comes swirling in from the realm of Universal flow

As you relearn the words, sweetheart, to your own ancient song

You may open your throat and a voice unfamiliar

will come tumbling from where your soul has been hiding for so very long

 Trust now- the veil is thinning that blankets the unseen

The ones who have waited for you to remember, to reclaim

your magic, your mystery and your wildest star kissed dreams. 

It’s time…..

Survey of the Heart

I have a dear sister who was conducting a study and asked 3 questions about the heart…. Here was my reply…

“Ok, so when I first received your questions, Lauren,  I looked them over and the conversation (in my head) went like this……

(Question 1: What do you think about the heart?)

“Love- well that’s too obvious Jamie. You can go deeper than that, she is looking for profound and earth moving- not love. Oh great, now it feels contrived and you’re are searching and questioning yourself. What’s so wrong with your first thought? Oh, wait- I get it. There is no way to think about the heart. You can only feel about the heart. Once the thinking starts you have left the heart and abandoned your first feeling and your first feeling is usually your highest and most pure form of inner truth, hmmm….”

The heart is where truth and fear collide.  If we speak our truth and honor our first thoughts, feelings and instincts, fear has to retreat. I believe the greatest journey we will ever take is into our hearts if we dare. And, I think the absolute number one thing that humans crave more than any other feet of success and triumph is to truly live from the heart, have our heart seen and have our heart understood. Deep down we all know that living from the heart means we are in congruent harmony with our highest capacity and therefore things like heart break, disappointment, fear, anger etc. can’t really impact us. They can come in and pass like a storm but they do not overtake our inner compass.

(2: If you had to describe your heart in one word what would it be?)

So, really this all brings me back to my original thought- oops, I mean feeling. Love. Love is the first word that comes to me and I am going to honor my heart.  Love is the answer to all of the heart’s many different beats. What cures hate- love. What breaks through the gatekeeper of fear- love. What connects us to one another- love. What is the only thing that can equalize differences- love. One can never truly step into the heart until they give love freely and without condition to every and all situations and people in their lives.  I don’t know if this is truly a possibility within the human framework- and that breaks my heart.

(3: What is the first story/experience that comes to mind when you think of love?)

My first memory of the heart is Joey Frankhauser. It was 1st grade and I remember clearly not really understanding my feelings but my heart felt something it never had and it turned everything in my body warm. I had dreams- even some nightmares- about Joey and in each one my heart felt like it would break.   I look back now and realize that the very last bit of my innocence and purity of my own heart left then. Fear stepped in once faced with rejection and the misunderstanding of my heart. Why didn’t he like me? Why can’t I tell him how I feel? Shouldn’t it be easy? How wonderful if we all just loved and felt good!- I actually remember feeling so confused around that. I remember wanting my heart to burst open and wondering why it seemed not everyone wanted to burst open…. Especially Joey haha.    I bet if you ask anyone about the heart- the first memory is of love.

So much to say….

But this sums it up best-

“Even after all of this time- the Sun has never once turned to the Earth and said “you owe me”. Look what happens with a love like that- it lights the whole sky”- Hafez

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I Am Her

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 She calls me home- It’s getting late-

I am weary and worn to the bone

Try as I may my ears have fallen deaf from the noise of this life-

-to the sound of her resonant tone.

 

She lights my dark path

Yet the blinders “they” have fastened-

-so I do not stray

Shield my true beauty-her reflection-

That lights my way

 

The stars twinkle above as they dance to her song

Oh how my sweet feet have forgotten the steps

Oh how it has been so very long

 

Her song is buried under pieces of me that must die

So I can again twirl on her skin- toes in her grass

Under her vast night sky

 

“Remember” she whispers

“YOU ARE Earth, Air, Fire and Sea

“My essence spirals through you down into your womb”

I feel an ancient calling rise…

I AM HER- She is me.

 

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